TO THE ONE I USED TO CALL DAD

I.

Call it fake.
But I would like to call it, authentic.

Call it insensitive.
But I would like to call it, warmth.

Call it childish.
But I would like to call it, learned.

Call it unappreciative.
But I would like to call it, grateful.

Call it hate.
But I would like to call it, care.

Call it goodbye.
But I would like to call it, hi!

Call it “you-get-used-to”.
But I would like to call it, sober.

Call it numb.
But I would like to call it, pain.

Call it change.
But I would like to call it, bliss.

Call it end.
But I would like to call it, restart.



II.

I like the feeling of finding something real.
No pretenses. Just truth be told.

One tap. One hit. One look.
I could feel the warmth of the fireplace.

The innocence of youth in wrong chess moves
The sanity of the decision in court and never in question.

Didn’t realize, we’re golden.
I would have let it show; let you know.

Being mad is my way of bursting my intent emotion.
A sign that I care about to someone in a classic whisper of the air.

Good conversation blocking an interference.
Yet tongue tied up ended up with the first word uttered when you called.

You get used to it, as you said.
You don’t know how to listen when you are sober!

And now, you are beautifully numb.
But the eyes tell the otherwise.

No two are the same in identical clothes.
Fuck fake smiles! Pure happiness should be at the core.

“The end” is a wrong choice of words to speak out loud.
I call this a break – a hibernation. A restart.



III.

It’s adorable that you think you know,
But you don’t.

The voices we heard that we’re ignoring.
To tell the truth. To tell short notice.

You know what I mean
You know what I believe in.

What’s the purpose? What’s the gain?
Words I repeatedly asked to you.

No definite answer. Silence…
Just a snob thought again.

I could never judge you.
You know I don’t.

I could never hate you.
You know I won’t.

Bring me back to the days when we were one block away.
That moment when the light is red before the go.

More than words I would like to say
Words ain’t enough to play.

To the one I used to call dad,
It was me saving you.

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